LotR Poems
by Indeed. But Rather
Summary: the title says it all. A group of lil poems about LotR characters-hopefully one for each character. PG for mild Language. CHAPTER 11 UP! please R&R!
1. Legolas Poem

This song is dedicated to all you fanatics of our fav. Blonde tree hugger leggy.  
  
Legolas  
  
His eyes are as blue,  
  
As freshly stirred stew,  
  
His hair is as blonde,  
  
As camembert cheese.  
  
I think he's a ditz,  
  
Cause he really likes fritz,  
  
And he has lots of zitz,  
  
And he needs to learn how to say please.  
  
A/N- for all you non Aussies, fritz is a kind of sausage & Arwen , Harry Potter, Julia Stiles, Naomi Watts and Shannon Sossamon can go screw trees 


	2. Arwen Poem

The next chapter in hopefully a series of insulting poems about everyone in LotR. Don't worry neither egg or my hate any of the pplz (except maybe Arwen-infact defiantly maybe Arwen) its just no fun to write nice poem. Flame if you want but remember that they're just a bit of pointless fun.  
  
Arwen Poem  
  
She's a great big slut,  
  
With a great big butt,  
  
She's in love with a mutt,  
  
But really just wants a fuck,  
  
Though she don't get much,  
  
Cause she looks like a duck,  
  
Who's fallen in muck,  
  
And is totally and completely yuck.  
  
Pluck Pluck  
  
an: Thankyou to Zoya for your review. no, the poem did not have a point really, you see there are two people in this name, the one who wrote it is Liggles and the other is Eggles (egg). Liggles is erm weird and she was feeling CREATIVE so she wrote that poem. She also wrote Arwen poem.  
  
PS: Naomi Watts is a bleeped up bleeping bleep. 


	3. Aragorn Poem

Aragorn poem  
  
He's a funny old man who's beard is grey,  
  
He's reckons its hot but his stubble is gay,  
  
He looks like a mutt,  
  
And is in love with a slut,  
  
He's a horse so why don't he eat hay?  
  
AN: Back when I was young and senseless, ie. Last year. I, being the innocent young thing I was decided that Viggo Mortenson was hot. Little did I know how very wrong I was. Have you seen him in real life? @#$%! How ugly can you get- and to top it off, hes 4 years older than my dad!  
  
Despite this I decide to write a tribute to that much loved, funny old man called Strider, which you have just finished reading.  
  
Stay tuned in for the next chappie which will hopefully be up soon.  
  
Luv ya'all Liggles 


	4. Gollum Poem

Another lil poem from the creative minds of Liggles and egg-the first one written by egg and not Liggles, so be nice. Lol! Not so much humour this time but about poor little pathetic Gollum and what the rings doing to him.  
  
Gollum Poem  
  
He's sneaky, slinky, and all together stinky,  
  
He wants the ring, its his precious thing,  
  
And to get it Frodo he'll kill.  
  
He's a rat in disguise,  
  
By most he's despised,  
  
But Frodo's eyesight is ill.  
  
The ring eats him slowly,  
  
Makes him jealous and lowly,  
  
And he will listen to none who advise.  
  
If only Frodo could see,  
  
What is clearly to be,  
  
A betrayal beyond recognize.  
  
AN: Ok, I know it is a bit lame, but it was just some quick thinking about our favourite little evil creature GOLLUM! (this was written by egg by the way.) -egg PS: I hate all Kates, the can go screw bananas (the fruit, coz its not like they could ever get any guys) 


	5. Gollum Poem II

I decided that we needed another Gollum poem-I was inspired so I wrote it down and thought to myself that I should put it up with all the others. So here is our second little Gollum poem. And by the way, if anyone has a particular character that they want a poem about, tell us in your review and we'll give it a go.  
  
Gollum Poem II  
  
He's the silent shadow in the darkness,  
  
The thing that creeps between the trees,  
  
And hides from light of sun and moon,  
  
In hope that no one sees.  
He's the eyes in the blackness,  
  
Of the starless inky night,  
  
The owner of those soundless steps,  
  
And of that deathly bite.  
He's the cold blooded murderer,  
  
Who kills to stay alive,  
  
And the sneaky slinky creature,  
  
Who knows what he must do to survive.  
Yes Gollum is the name,  
  
Of that thing in the pink rain coat,  
  
The famous dude how likes honey tea,  
  
And owns a little goat.  
He's that silent midnight stalker,  
  
To whom fashions such a major thing,  
  
That hell kill his friend and Master,  
  
To get that golden ring.  
  
AN: Hehe, that was fun. Hope you enjoyed, stay tuned for more wonderful work, hot off the press from Liggles and Egg. 


	6. Sauron Poem

From egg- this poem isn't as humorous as the others but it just came to me and I decided to write it down. Hope ya like it.  
  
He's quite an old dude,  
  
Dark and crude  
  
He's hated by all  
  
Which made him bawl  
  
He woke up one day  
  
Filled with dismay  
  
So he made up a plan  
  
This evil man  
  
To make people serve him  
  
Make no one deserve him  
  
To have all power  
  
And make people cower  
  
But to do this he thought  
  
Something evil is to be wrought  
  
To give him the chance  
  
To make his powers enhance  
  
But to do this how?  
  
This made him think now  
  
Then the idea came  
  
That would bring him his fame  
  
He started to make  
  
Not long did it take  
  
He made a gold ring  
  
Such a powerful thing  
  
He'd pour in his hate  
  
Cruelty he'd dictate  
  
And then he was done  
  
By the rising of the sun  
  
And the legendary tale  
  
of the one ring begun,  
  
AN: here is another verse which I wrote, but ended up on the cutting room floor.(you will see why)  
  
Hilda his wife Was in tears of strife "don't be so mean, let the world by green" "I'm so sorry Hilda" and swiftly he killed her 


	7. Eowyn Poem

Eowyn poem By Egg  
  
She's a shield maiden fair, with long golden hair,  
  
And Arwen she wants to rip and tear.  
  
She's in love with a troll, who is already on hold,  
  
By an elf who doesn't have flair.  
  
She can do better than that, cause he's an ugly old bat,  
  
So now she loves Faramir.  
  
Now they are wed, and what a life she has led,  
  
Happily in a place far from here.  
  
AN: if ya cant work out who the troll is (though it should be pretty obvious) it is Aragorn! I also want to rip and tear Arwen as I should hope most of you should agree. 


	8. Gandalf Poem

Gandalf poem By Egg  
  
He is very tall and has a big nose,  
  
A lot he knows and he smells like rose.  
  
He is old and feeble, he cant thread a needle,  
  
He is grey turned white, and he fights with might,  
  
But when he is naked it is just not right.  
  
As one of my friends said when said when reading this "YOU'VE SEEN GANDALF NAKED!" , no I haven't. thank the good lord- bad mental image. The thing that gave me this idea is when you briefly see the top part of Gandalf naked in the Two Towers. VERY yucky! Please review, love egg(the one who wrote it) and Liggles. 


	9. Pippin Poem

Pippin Poem by Egg and Lig  
  
Pippin is cute, he doesn't wear boots,  
  
And he definitely doesn't have stubble.  
  
He's a mischievous thing, with an adorable grin,  
  
And he always gets into trouble.  
  
He's sometimes a nuisance, with not many uses,  
  
But he can always make you smile.  
  
He is loyal and great, he's a very good mate,  
  
For his friends he'll go the extra mile. (Which is a pretty far way for a hobbit.)  
  
AN: Pippin is so cute! Not as cute as Legolas (in my (eggs) case) but still very cute, so we wrote this poem. Hope ya enjoyed! 


	10. Boromir Poem

Dedicated to Boromir son of Denethor, who is one of the obsolute best characters in the entire FotR. And how cool is Sean Bean? Cant you just imagine him being your uncle or something. So this is dedicated to Boz, may he rest in peace (how sad is it when he dies in the first movie, the first time I saw it I was crying so hard.)  
  
Boz was a man with a horn in his hand,  
  
And a dinner plate he used as a shield.  
  
You may notice I say "was" and this is because,  
  
First he got shot then he kneeled.  
  
After he kneeled he lay down and died,  
  
And the rest of the fellow ship sat down and cried.  
  
Then they sent him over a water fall,  
  
and didn't think of him again at all.  
  
The End.  
  
PS: And remember that if you have any requests for characters, put that in your review. Luv ya all, Liggles and Egg. 


	11. Sam Poem

O.K I'm sorry we took so long to update because we've been pretty busy but now were back. Thankyou for your review Shieldmaiden, I've written a poem about Sam for you. Hope ya like it! - Egg  
Sam Poem He's a gardener man, with a fairly good tan,  
  
He's short and quite stout, and he wanders about,  
  
Pruning the flowers, but he will not cower,  
  
When danger awaits, for him and his mates,  
  
With Frodo by his side, he's a friend and ally,  
  
And when trouble may come, if theirs food in his tum,  
  
He will fight and defend, for the life of a friend,  
  
For the good in his heart, is what sets him apart,  
  
From a regular hobbit, 'coz if theirs trouble he'll stop it,  
  
And try to have fun, before the day is done,  
  
So if you need a friend, or your heart has to mend,  
  
Or if you crash and burn, it's worth it to earn,  
  
The friendship he holds, and if truth be told,  
  
Just wait and you'll see, what a great hobbit he'll be,  
  
For is you need a hand, he's your hobbit man.  
O.K O.K I know this is very over-estimated for Sam, I'm making it out like he's the champion of the world or something which is not what he is (In my eyes at least, because I'm not really a Sam fan, though I do think he's cool ) But I hope all you Sam lovers like it!Please R&R 


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